Friday Footy with Tom!

Here’s another sensational Footy Preview from Tom of Melbourne!

Round 18

In a remarkable development, some bloke that plays league is switching to AFL. Great, just as we manage to get the insidious and unsatisfactory St Kilda morals under control, the standards of the game are threatened by some fat league playing boof-headed bloke.

He’s from Brisbane too, the club that John Ribot used to run, says it all really. Why couldn’t they get a player from a club with some standards, such as Manly? The player’s name is Karmichael Hunt; I wonder what his nick name is?

Karmichael will need an explanation/induction to the applicable rules, something like this –

Firstly, Karmichael, this is a “toilet”. In the civilised parts of the country it is used in place of a hotel corridor. Yes you sit on it while extruding your waste. I’ll later explain the use of the paper.

• This is a ‘sentence”, you may note that it is unnecessary to finish each sentence with the word “but”.
• This is a typical AFL player; please note the existence of what is called a “neck”. This separates the head from the shoulders. Yes, I suppose it does look funny, if you’re not used to seeing people with “necks”.
• This is a supporter. Oddly, and unlike the NRL, some supporters have an intelligence quotient of over 80! Unless of course, they are Port Adelaide supporters, in which case over 80 represents a cut off point (note below in match preview).
• Among AFL supporters the expletive “f@cken” is often used to separate words. This is unlike NRL supporters who use this expletive between syllables – for emphasis.
• However, one thing that is common between the codes is the treatment of women. You have nothing to learn on this subject.

 

The footy games are –  

Collingwood V Brisbane

So Bucks is now ‘assistant” coach at Collingwood, for 2 years, then he’s coach. Yep, Bucks is a patient man. By round 4 next year, Bucks will have shown sufficient restraint, he will start to undermine Malthouse. Soon enough, sometime next season he’ll be coach – for an unsuccessful decade.

 But the players are now happy, it means Mrs Bucks will continue to the (therapeutic only) post game massage. This is a photo of Mrs Bucks all dressed up in her favourite “massage” outfit – http://www.theage.com.au/ffxImage/urlpicture_id_1071336885544_2003/12/15/tanya_buckley,0.jpg

 Have a look on the expression on the face of Bucks. And that was before he was appointed “assistant” coach!

Brisbane to win.

 

Port V Hawthorn

While is a well established practice for Port to decline membership and support  from anyone that scores above 80 in an IQ test, it appears  that one of our regular contributors has slipped the net, if judgment is made on the on the basis of the “RBA” and “Black Women in White Australia” articles here. An alternative view is that he has taken the lead of our PM, and had an economics and sociology graduate write these interesting and well articulated threads for him.

Nonetheless, this is an important game for the finals prospects of both teams. Given that Hawthorn have chosen to allow that prick Kennett to continue to get his head on the TV, I much prefer to see Hawthorn people disappointed. So I’m tipping Port.

 

North Melbourne V Carlton

Back in the days when Carton were full of corporate crooks, North sought to emulate this model and got a few crooks of their own. Thanks to the long term bankrupt, Bob Ansett, Carlton finished up owning about 30% of North Melbourne . This was another sound investment by the crooks at Carlton , anyone also want some shares in rice growers (proudly endorsed by John Elliott)?

Unfortunately Carlton to win.

 

West Coast v Essendon

Do we have any contributors from WA? That’s good, they’re all mad you know. They pay millions for a house in Peppermint Grove. I wouldn’t pay that for the entire suburb. All Perth is crap, as is the rest of WA. Even their wines are over rated. Margaret River … don’t bother. Sensible people should never go near the place. So I could nominate a few from the blogs that I’d recommend pay a long visit.

Essendon will win.

 

Dogs V Fremantle

How hopeless are Fremantle? Very. How long can Harvey escape some sound, reasonable balanced media baying for his head? He should have some TV cameras and reporters camped outside his house by now. Questions should be shouted at his family, such as – “Do you think your dad is the most hopeless coach ever?”

How many nails can there be in a single coffin, ‘cos here comes another. Even the now struggling Dogs will pound the Dockers.

 

Geelong V Adelaide

Geelong have many supporters that take their knitting to the football, such is their confidence. But they struggled to defeat lowly Hawthorn last week. They’re on the slide, and they play the resurgent Adelaide , fresh from victory over the highly respected Port.

Adelaide, disappointingly.

 

St Kilda V Sydney

Following their defeat of Footscray last week, St Kilda has started celebrating their premiership. The Saints are rumoured to be sponsored by “The Daily Planet’ bordello next year, this may help keep the players off the street. The streets of Melbourne will be safer.

St Kilda to win.

 

Melbourne V Richmond

Wasn’t it great that Richmond won last week? A couple more wins and Jade Rawlings will be installed as Richmond coach, permanently. And in Tigerland, that means until round 12 next season.

Go tigers, do it for Jade!!